10/9/2022
Hi Em!
Your Dad & I got to see #AllenJackson in concert last weekend:) The name of the concert tour was #LastCall1MorefortheRoad which made me laugh.  I’m sure his concerts were a big, crazy party 20 years ago but it was so amazing to see how his heart was so visibly warmed by Jesus with a great confidence & wisdom about marriage, family & faith. He cried during his performance of “Remember When.”

Your dad commented after the show, “I don’t know how you cry and keep singing/performing well.” He wrote that song over 20 years ago & has been playing it for audiences thousands of times but it is still obviously touching to him. Maybe it’s more touching to him now that he has “lived it” with his own wife & daughters & is also living and performing quite well even with a degenerative disease. Romans 15:13 The song is timeless & is about a married couple falling in love and being and staying married through life’s ups & downs & family stages & changes. I’ve listened to it thousands of times but the part that got me last night was……..

“Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up & move away
We won’t be sad, we’ll be glad
for all the life we’ve had &
And we’ll remember when.”

Sitting with your dad and listening to those lyrics as you moved to college 3 weeks ago I started crying in the middle of the concert. I think Dad was too but I honestly didn’t look at him for fear I would break down further & ruin my eye makeup.

Jackson released “Remember When” in 2003, the year you were born. The reason “we won’t be sad, we’ll be glad” struck a chord is because I have listened to & sang that lyric a million times (I’m sure all you kids know it too) but I really didn’t “get that lyric” until the concert. Oprah calls it an “ah hah” moment. As a parent I have said quite a few things like I won’t feel this or that and I’m gonna do this or that and then I do it or don’t do it or I feel exactly what I said I would or wouldn’t do.

The thing is……. I wasn’t thinking I would be sad. I have had such a great life since being your mom.  Raising the 4 of you kids has been my biggest blessing. I knew this was your dream college and you worked so hard academically to be accepted in. You just looked & seemed so grown up and ready to embark on this new adventure! I honestly felt I would have been holding you back to have you go to school locally. I felt God’s call for you to be there.

Anyway, I just didn’t cry until the next day when it became reality that this stage (of having all of our kids at home) was over:( It is still hard off and on with your empty seat at the dinner table or your presence at our family bible study or leaving to school with Jules. But even though I thought I wouldn’t be sad I am glad for all the life we have had & are continuing now with having a new best facetime friend:)  Alan Jackson….how did you get that lyric?  Your kids were not old enough to be moving out in 2003………..It had to be the Holy Spirit.

It has been 11 days since we moved our oldest child & daughter out of her childhood home & into her new freshman college dorm room.  I gotta say, it’s kinda a whirlwind of emotions adjusting to not having her around the house but the pics of our 4 kids (taken the morning of the move) are what I will remember the most & what I am blessed to have.

The morning of the move Emily was up & ready to go at 4:45 am with her calm, always- got- it-covered demeanor. She had prepared, packed and ordered almost everything by herself with the exception of some essential items that I had Mike (my husband & her dad) order off Amazon a few weeks prior. She just seemed all grown up, ready to go & excited for this new adventure:)

We woke up her three siblings just before we left to come down & say goodbye as they couldn’t go with Mike & I to drop her off since they had school commitments they couldn’t miss. They all came downstairs at different times and were in different areas of our great room. Everyone was handling their own morning business routines. But as soon as Sarah (our youngest child & daughter) saw Emily come downstairs (Emily was headed towards the pantry to grab something) she blurted out, “Em-i-ly!” in an elongated yell with a tone that was saying your leaving & I don’t want you to! I’m gonna miss you too much! We are having so much fun together as a family! She did this while running to her & embracing her with a hug. Julia (our second oldest & daughter) then rushed over and joined in the hug. I quickly called Mikey over (he was walking away from the situation with tears in his eyes) to take a picture of them together. I didn’t see Mike but I think he was either watching from the laundry area or he had left the room as I’m sure he was breaking down himself.  

As their mother, at that moment, watching how the four of them genuinely love each other I was overwhelmed with happiness. I saw my award in front of my own eyes  for parenting with everything I’ve had-blood, sweat & tears over the last almost 19 amazing (many blessings & some trial) years. The love between our children (our whole family) is so special & what I have been trying to nurture in them since we took each of them home from the hospital. The crazy thing is God gave me what I wanted and now our oldest was leaving to create her own new adventures & hopefully loving relationships:(

One of the promises in the Bible says that love never ends. 1 Corinthians 13:8 And although I have been on an emotional roller coaster since she left, adjusting to not having her around I know God needs her quiet spirit to spread the love we have as a family to others.